I wish we didn’t need this now…
…or Seven Tips for Writing an Interesting Obituary
Having to write an obituary for a loved one (or a not so loved one) can be an overwhelming task, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. Here are seven things to consider.
1. Decide if the obituary is for you, for the deceased, or for the reader (friends, family, coworkers, etc.).
No, I’m not saying you should write your own (although it’s not a bad idea. I’ll address this in a subsequent article). Whose benefit are you writing the obituary for? Do you want the reader to know what the deceased meant to you, what the deceased would have wanted people to know, or both?
2. Make it a story.
You want the reader to walk away feeling like they knew the deceased. Write it from a first-person perspective. “My dad was my best friend, the best man at my wedding, and the best Poppop to all his grandchildren. My sisters and I used to joke how he would tell each of us that one of the others was his favorite.“ If the newspaper or website tells you that you cannot personalize the obituary, take your business (whether paid or free) somewhere else.
3. Put some humor or lightness into it.
Did he or she love a good prank? Meet the spouse in an odd way? Belong to the cheesecake of the month club? Add it! Readers want to get a sense of his or her life.
4. Add how they died.
Let’s face it, everyone wants to know if Uncle Chris drank himself to death or if Aunt Ruth finally drove her car off a cliff, as she’d been threatening to do for years. Consider replacing the usual phrases like, “Joe died after a courageous battle with cancer” with something like, “Joe decided to get one over on cancer by going into witness protection (aka heaven) before having to spend any money on an anniversary gift. He was also happy that he wouldn’t have to make the tough decision between Biden, Trump, and Kanye.”
5. Don’t use the old-fashioned listing of relatives.
Don’t list your son and his wife as John (Jane Smith) Doe or John Doe (Jane). It’s antiquated and a bitch to figure out. Regardless of whether you like your daughter-in-law, she’s your son’s wife, and your son needs her now. “Joe and Mary Jones” or “Joe and wife Mary Jones” is the best way to list them.
6. Get input from other family members, even if they weren’t as close to the deceased as you were. Their perspective will be helpful, and if you’re doing this for the deceased, it should matter.
7. Most importantly, don’t use the obituary as an opportunity to “get back” at the deceased. Readers are not going to feel your pain; they’re only going to feel bad for the deceased having to put up with you. And you definitely don’t want it to end up on some evening “news” show. If things were that bad, either write it then burn it, or let someone else do it. The grandkids don’t need to be left with how miserable of a person Meemaw was.
